A Chinese article that can make a stone cry – 永失我爱 (1)

Posted by Grace Feng on February 1, 2012

This article was first posted on a Chinese forum 网易(wǎng yì) by writer “春儿(chūn r)” some years ago. It was so touching and well written that people started to share it across the web.

It is a real story of the writer who lost her 2 years old son 臭臭 (chòu chòu) to Retinoblastoma (a rare, cancerous tumor of retina, mostly found in babies). Five years after her son left, she finally found the courage to write down those unbearable heart-wrenching memories that she had with her son when he was still alive. Love, guilt and emotional turmoils experienced by the writer and her family during the traumatic period when her son was critically ill were turned into a powerful article that has deeply moved so many Chinese readers, especially the ones that are parents themselves.

The original article is about 10824 character long. I’ll post them in a series of posts with pinyin annotation and my own English translation. An online radio recording by 晓风(xiǎo fēng) from www.1ting.com is also placed at the beginning of each post. Please be aware that the recording has slight changes in wording here and there compared to the original article. The recording has been split into smaller parts to align with the length of each post.

Feel free to drop your comments along your reading. If you have questions, I’ll try my best to respond within 24 hours.

Now, let’s start…


Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.


yǒng shī wǒ ài

永失我爱 (1)

My Love Lost Forever

chūn r




shíjiān guò de fēikuài。 wǒ de háizi zǒu le wǔ nián le。


Time flies. My child has been gone for five years.


wǒ zhōng yú gǎn náqǐ wǒ de bǐ xiěxià nà yī duàn chénfēng de wǎngshì。


I finally find the courage to pick up the pen and write down those sealed memories.


hěn duō péngyou bù ràng wǒ xiě, pà wǒ sī kāi zìjǐ de xuèlínlín de shāngbā, pà wǒ tòng。

很多朋友不让我写, 怕我撕开自己的血淋淋的伤疤,怕我痛。

Friends told me not to write, worried that I might tear my bleeding wound open, worried that I’ll be in pain.


dànshì péngyou ā, wǒ zhīdào nǐmen shì ài wǒ de。


But my friend, I know you love me.


dàn nǐmen nǎlǐ zhīdào, xiě chūlái duì wǒ láijiǎng cái shì zuìhǎo de jiětuō。

但你们哪里知道,写出来, 对我来讲才是最好的解脱

But how could you know that, writing it out, (as) for me is the best remedy.


cái liǎoquè le wǒ de yī gè xīnyuàn。 yīnwèi, wǒ zài zhè wǔ nián lǐ, méiyǒu yī tiān bùxiǎng niàn wǒ de háizi。


It can also fulfill one of my wishes. That’s because in all these five long years, there has not been one day passed that I didn’t miss my child.


bùguǎn wǒ rúhé nǔlì ràng zìjǐ wàngquè, dàn zǒng huì zài mǒu yī gè bùjīngyì de shíkè, mǒu yī gè bùjīngyì

不管我如何努力让自己忘却, 但总会在某一个不经意的时刻, 某一个不经意

de pèngchù, ràng wǒ lèiliúmǎnmiàn。


No matter how hard I tried to forget, (but) at any inadvertent moment, with any inadvertent touch, I’d break down in tears.


wǒ yǒngyuǎn yě bùnéng wàngjì chòu chòu gěi wǒ dàilái de kuàilè hé tòngkǔ。


I could never forget the happiness and bitterness that Chou Chou had brought me.


suǒyǐ wǒ bìxū xiě, wèile wǒ, yě wèile wǒ de chòu chòu, wǒ wéiyī de háizi。 wǒ yǒngyuǎn de háizi。


So I have to write, for me, and for my Chou Chou, my only child. My forever child.


jiù ràng wǒ bǎ zhè piān wénzhāng sònggěi wǒ zài tiāntáng de érzi ba。


Just let me present this article to my son in heaven.


chòu chòu, nǐ yào zhīdào。 māma yǒngyuǎn ài nǐ! bùguǎn nǐ zài nǎlǐ。 wǒ yǒngyuǎn shì ài nǐ de māma。

臭臭,你要知道, 妈妈永远爱你!不管你在哪里,我永远是爱你的妈妈。

Chou Chou, you have to know, Mom loves you forever! No matter where you are, I am always the Mom that loves you.



Related posts:

A Chinese article that can make a stone cry – 永失我爱 (4)
Complete Chinese subtitles for movie Eat.Drink.Man.Woman in both pdf and srt format
Chinese talk about their own love stories - Gui Lin love story interview video


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26 Responses to “A Chinese article that can make a stone cry – 永失我爱 (1)”

  1. nothing

    Leo Marta Lay:

    05-15-2012 1:52 pm

    Let me introduce myself. I’m Leo from Indonesia. Thank you for the lessons you wrote, Grace. I found them so useful that I learned 中文 a lot from your lessons.


    • nothing


      05-16-2012 12:24 am

      Welcome to my blog, Leo!

      I do have a close friend from Indonesia though she doesn’t speak Chinese. Let me know if you need any help with your study. Any suggestions and recommendations are all very welcomed.




  2. nothing

    Joseph Alessandro Mati:

    01-01-2013 5:01 pm

    To dear Grace,
    If you are already aware,
    I would like to spread this piece of information nonetheless, please.

    Just one line of html in the editor,
    and tablet computers ( ipad, galaxy,… ) can also read the sound !

    Read this:

    Actually,tablets ( different operating system : iOS or Android )
    can’t get flash content : .flv, .swf files or use flash players.

    And the success of those little devices disturbs me too !
    I will have to add new lines of code again…

    Josepha87 from hi.nciku.com ( my blog is still alive there…he,he )
    I like the new way you tidy up your site :
    not easy to be clear with so much content…, and
    I suffer from a lack of feedback myself. So
    I came here to support !


    • nothing

      Grace Feng:

      01-02-2013 4:17 am

      Hi Joseph,

      Good to hear that your blog is still alive. Probably nciku.com has changed their mind and won’t close blog hosting then?

      Thanks for your tip on the native player code. I did try it on a test page, but it didn’t work in my Chrome browser. As a matter of fact, I’m looking for an audio plugin that have download option. The one I’m using does have the option, but it doesn’t work.

      Anyway, thanks for your support and good to see you again!

      Happy New Year!



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        Joseph Alessandro Mati:

        01-12-2013 10:03 pm

        Happy new year too !

        Concerning the mp3 players, in my opinion, I ‘d rather display a flash player and a html player side by side in my blog ( that means two players ).

        Everyone with any operating system or browser will see at least one of these players…I know that the result is not so lovely sometimes when I see the 2 players at the same time…
        or perhaps I should create two versions, one player for one version…

        I ‘ve become aware of the problem since I borrowed an ipad tablet.

        And also to study this lesson, I can type the code of a html5 player inside a new html page of mine using your file here :
        and add the page to your page…a bit complicated but your story is worth reading it everywhere !


      • nothing

        Joseph Alessandro Mati:

        01-13-2013 1:45 pm

        Studying A Chinese article that can make a stone cry…

        Owners of an ipad tablet, you can download the “side by side” app from the App Store. (free version with small adds)
        This application will allow you to split your screen in three parts for instance…

        First window : paste the address of Grace ‘s lesson, selected from

        Second window : paste the address of the mp3 file
        modifying its end as you wish, _ai01.mp3, _ai02.mp3, _ai03.mp3 ,… …

        Third window : paste the address of a Chinese/English dictionary ( nciku or another )

        Bookmark each address in each window, you will go back there whenever you want !


        • nothing

          Grace Feng:

          01-14-2013 4:01 am

          Thanks for your help, Joseph! I personally don’t own an ipad or iphone, I’m looking for ways to test my pages on Apple devices regularly.

          I believe your tips here really can help Apple users to use my site more easily. :-)



  3. nothing

    Zdenek ŘÍPA:

    10-08-2014 11:31 am

    dear Mrs GraceFeng, I thank you very much for your web, let me introduce myself, I am Zdenek from Czech Republic, My dream was to learn chinese, but in last régime I could not due to my family-origin. in nineties I began little learn, I fullfilled my dream to visit several time China and Taiwan. now, when I am retired, I have more time, so Iam happy to find your web, when I can learn more chinese. thanks you once again from Prague – Czech republic


    • nothing

      Grace Feng:

      10-08-2014 2:52 pm

      Hi Zdenek,

      Thank you so much for Sharing your story on learning Chinese! I totally understand, and can relate myself to what you’ve been through to fulfill your dream. In my experience, the desire to learn a language is not just about the language itself. It usually comes with hopes and desire on things surrounding it. That’s why I enjoyed so much on learning English and Germany when I was young.

      To me, Prague has always been a mysteriously beautiful city in the distance. I still remember those movies I watched about Prague when I was a kid. Those memories! :-)

      I’m so honoured to be of help for your Chinese learning, and I’m so happy to know that you’ve somehow fulfilled your dream with persistence.

      Please enjoy your time on the site and stay in touch!



      • nothing

        Umer khan:

        04-25-2015 5:13 pm

        Hi Grace
        very nice ………I have no words for say you thanks. I think the word thanks is very little for you:)

        Umer Khan Jadoon


        • nothing

          Grace Feng:

          04-26-2015 12:45 am

          Hi Umer, I’m really glad that I might have brought some joy of learning through this blog.

          Thank you for your kind note. :-)



  4. nothing


    08-28-2015 6:34 pm

    Wǒ de tuǐ shàng dàochù shì xiě.
    My legs were covered with blood.

    Dear Grace, in this example from my dictionary (Line Dict), 血 is pronounced “xiě” instead of “xuè” …although the translation is also “blood”…


    • nothing

      Grace Feng:

      08-29-2015 3:54 am


      I found the following explanation on the web that answers your question best:

      The standard Chinese dictionary (《现代汉语词典》) lists xuè (fourth, not third, tone) as the official pronunciation and xiě as a colloquial variant. As such, in most compounds and technical terms, xuè is preferred. The pronunciation xiě is acceptable when you just want to say “blood” in casual speech.

      There are several exceptions: the two modifiers 血糊糊 (xiěhūhū, “covered in blood”) and 血淋淋 (xiělínlín, “gushing blood”) are never read with the xuè pronunciation. There is also a word “血晕” the meaning of which differs based on which pronunciation of 血 is used.

      血晕 (xiěyùn): to bruise
      血晕 (xuèyùn): a traditional Chinese medicine term for fainting after childbirth due to loss of blood.

      Note that this is only what the dictionary says. I suspect many native speakers make different choices in their own speech.

      I’ll admit that I have used both pronunciation in my life and I’ve heard native speakers used even more tones for this character. :-)



      • nothing


        08-29-2015 8:55 am

        “xuè” is preferred but, in certain words with 血 , I have to say “xiě”. ok.
        我明白了!谢谢你的帮助。My blog is currently in “standby mode”, so I find more free hours to learn Chinese now…and I’m glad that you had time to answer me because you give me here the kind of information which is not provided by my English/Chinese dictionaries.


        • nothing

          yeshi choedon:

          09-17-2015 9:21 am

          Dear friend

          In the listening part i discovered that the words you wrote was not similar in the listening because in the listening part they used some extra word such as 都, so i would like to ask you which one we should emphasized?


          • nothing

            Grace Feng:

            09-18-2015 2:07 am

            Hi Yeshi, yes you’re right, I’ve stated it in the introduction part of those posts:

            “Please be aware that the recording has slight changes in wording here and there compared to the original article. ”

            The text is the original story that has been proofread, please use it as your study guide. The recording is not verbatim. But overall, there are not many alternations. Use it as reference then.




  5. nothing

    Felipe Medeiros (从巴西来的):

    11-13-2015 9:18 pm




    :) :)


    • nothing

      Grace Feng:

      11-15-2015 5:34 am

      谢谢你的鼓励, Felipe, 我一定会和你们一起加油。 :-)



  6. nothing

    Natasha Rae:

    12-10-2015 9:08 am

    Hi Grace

    So happy to find your website. I am an Indian, trying very hard to learn Mandarin. I really like the stories in your website. It is of great help.Anything else you suggest to further improve my written and spoken chinese ?
    谢谢你。 我很好跟你的站点。 :)
    Please excuse my Chinese if there is some mistake.

    Warm regards
    Natasha Rae


    • nothing

      Natasha Rae:

      12-10-2015 9:11 am

      Hi I meant


      • nothing

        Grace Feng:

        12-11-2015 2:41 pm

        Hi Natasha,

        Nice to meet you. :-)

        Don’t be afraid of expressing yourself in Chinese. There’s no real mistake for language learning other than “not giving yourself the chance to make mistake”.

        I believe I’m good at “interpreting” not-so-perfect Chinese. If I’m really stuck, I’ll let you know and you can try again. That’s the beauty of interactive learning.

        As for your question regarding “suggest to further improve my written and spoken chinese”, you can check my answer to reader Cliff under this post (a long reply with numbered lines):


        Hope that helps. Again, glad to have you here, Natasha. :-)



  7. nothing


    07-04-2016 6:43 pm

    I don’t get how she could give him such a bad name if she loved him so much. Really, it’s a cruel name.


    • nothing

      Grace Feng:

      07-06-2016 1:28 am

      臭臭is a fairly common name for little kids given by their loving parents. Although I understand that it does sound weird. :-)



  8. nothing


    07-09-2016 1:00 am


    I am reading your Traces of Sin and enjoying it very much. As you said, the ability to have it translated instantly into English is of enormous help.

    Apropos your request that the readers send you any improvements in translation, I am also making relatively minor corrections to your translation, which is really very close to perfect. Mostly there are prepositional errors, some changes to reflect more common American vernacular, etc. I have completed these through chapter 10 so far and will continue with the rest until I have completed the story.

    Let me know the best way to email these to you. Thanks.


    • nothing

      Grace Feng:

      07-09-2016 3:17 am

      Hi Steve,

      I really appreciate your help in proofreading my translation and making corrections. while I’m teaching learners of Chinese, I am a lifetime learner of English myself. :-) Please email to grace@justlearnchinese.com, I will update my translation accordingly afterwards.

      Glad to know that you enjoyed Traces of Sin. That’s the most advance level story posted on this site so far, and also my favorite so far. :-)

      Thank you and stay in touch,



  9. nothing

    Feng Yanqiong:

    07-10-2017 10:15 pm

    Hi Grace, i’m Quynh from Vietnam. I ‘ve found myself that your blog is so useful and your script as well. However, if im not wrong, there are still some mistakes in the script. I mean some words(just a few) in the script that i cannot hear from the audio. I’m not sure because im not good at listening. Please tell me if i was wrong. Thanksss!


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