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A Chinese article that can make a stone cry – 永失我爱 (21)

Posted by Grace Feng on March 7, 2012

A Chinese article that can make a stone cry – 永失我爱 (21)This article was first posted on a Chinese forum 网易(wǎng yì) by writer “春儿(chūn r)” some years ago. It was so touching and well written that people started to share it across the web.

The original article is about 10824 character long. I’ll post them in a series of posts with pinyin annotation and my own English translation. An online radio recording by 晓风(xiǎo fēng) from www.1ting.com is also placed at the beginning of each post. Please be aware that the recording has slight changes in wording here and there compared to the original article. The recording has been split into smaller parts to align with the length of each post.

Feel free to drop your comments along your reading. If you have questions, I’ll try my best to respond within 24 hours.

 

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yǒng shī wǒ ài

永失我爱 (21)

My Love Lost Forever

 

chūn r

春儿

 

tā xīn’ài de dōngxi, dōu gěi tā dàizǒu le.

他心爱的东西, 都给他带走了.

All the things he loved , I let him to take them away.

 

wǒ qiāoqiāo de liúxià le chòu chòu de yī lǚ tāi máo hé yī zhāng tā bǎi tiān de zhàopiàn。

我悄悄的留下了臭臭的一缕胎毛和一张他百天的照片。

I secretly kept a thread of Chou Chou’s baby hair and his photo taken at “one hundred days”.

 

zài nà zhāng zhàopiàn shàng wǒ yǒu yī zhāng xìngfú de xiàoliǎn。 kuàilè de yōngbào zhe wǒ de háizi。

在那张照片上我有一张幸福的笑脸。快乐的拥抱着我的孩子。

On that photo, I had a joyful smiling face, happily holding my child.

 

zhè shì wǒ liúxià de yǔ chòu chòu de wéiyī de liánxì, yě shì wǒ zuò guò mǔqīn de wéiyī jìniàn。

这是我留下的与臭臭的唯一的联系,也是我做过母亲的唯一纪念。

That was the only souvenir with a connection to Chou Chou that I kept, it was also the only souvenir of me ever being a Mom.

 

wǒ réng bù jìde nà yī yè wǒ hé àiren shì zěnyàng áo guò de le, nà yī yè wǒ méiyǒu jìyì。

我仍不记得那一夜我和爱人是怎样熬过的了,那一夜我没有记忆。

I don’t remember how my lover and I went through that night. I don’t have any memories that night.

 

dì’èrtiān shàngwǔ。 wǒ bǎ wǒ de shuìyī hé àiren shuìjiào shícháng chuān de bèixīn jiǎn le。

第二天上午。我把我的睡衣和爱人睡觉时常穿的背心剪了。

The second morning, I did a cut on my lover’s tank and my pajama. I cut a hole where the heart is.

 

zài xiōngkǒu nàge dìfang jiǎn de。 xiǎoxīn de bǎ chòu chòu nà shǎo de kělián de gǔhuī bāo le qǐlai。

在胸口那个地方剪的。小心的把臭臭那少的可怜的骨灰包了起来。

Then I placed Chou Chou’s very little ashes in the hole and wrapped it.

 

wǒ qīwàng zài míng míng zhīzhōng chòu chòu gǎndào wēnnuǎn, gǎndào fùmǔ de hēhù hé tǐwēn。

我期望在冥冥之中臭臭感到温暖,感到父母的呵护和体温。

I hoped Chou Chou could feel some warmth in the other world, he could feel his parents’s cuddle and body warmth.

 

wǒmen juédìng bǎ chòu chòu mái zài huǒchē dào pángbiān。 ràng tā měitiān dōu kàn dào tā xīn’ài de huǒchē kāi guò。

我们决定把臭臭埋在火车道旁边。让他每天都看到他心爱的火车开过。

We decided to bury him beside the train track, so he could watch his favorite train passing by everyday.

 

dànshì, qù máicáng háizi de shíhou, àiren réng méi ràng wǒ qù, suǒyǐ zhìjīn wǒ réng bù zhīdào wǒ xīn’ài de

但是,去埋藏孩子的时候,爱人仍没让我去,所以至今我仍不知道我心爱的

chòu chòu de fén zài nǎlǐ。

臭臭的坟在哪里。

But my lover didn’t let me to go when they buried Chou Chou. Even up to now I still don’t know where exactly Chou Chou was buried.

 

dàn wǒ měicì zuò huǒchē de shíhou, dūhuì zài chēchuāng wài kàn dào yī gè xiǎoxiǎo de shúxī de shēnyǐng zài xiàng wǒ

但我每次坐火车的时候,都会在车窗外看到一个小小的熟悉的身影在向我

zhāoshǒu hūhǎn……“ māma, māma, wǒ zài zhèlǐ。”

招手呼喊……“妈妈,妈妈,我在这里。”

However, every time I ride on a train, I am able to see a little familiar person waving at me and calls out …”Mommy, Mommy, I’m here.”

 

wǒ de chòu chòu, wǒ jīnshēng wéiyī de háizi。

我的臭臭,我今生唯一的孩子。

My Chou Chou, my only child in this life.

 

zài tā zǒu hòu, wǒ bùtíng de mèng dào tā, kāishǐ de shíhou wǒ zǒngshì mèng dào wǒ zài shēnshān lǐ sìchù qù zhǎo wǒ

在他走后,我不停的梦到他,开始的时候我总是梦到我在深山里四处去找我

de chòu chòu。

的臭臭。

After he left, I kept dreaming about him. At first I dreamed of searching him in the mountain.

 

hòulái, wǒ huì mèng dào hé tā yīqǐ wán, ér tā de yī shuāng yǎnjing shì míngliàng de, jiù xiàng tiānshàng de xīngxing yī

后来,我会梦到和他一起玩,而他的一双眼睛是明亮的,就像天上的星星一

yàng de jīngyíng。

样的晶莹。

Then I dreamed of playing with him, and his eyes are both bright, just like the sparkly stars in the sky.

 

mèng dào tā xiàng wǒ pū lái, wǒ yònglì yōngbào zhe tā xiǎoxiǎo de shēntǐ, qīngqīng de qīnwěn tā de liǎnjiá, rú tā

梦到他向我扑来,我用力拥抱着他小小的身体,轻轻的亲吻他的脸颊,如他

zàishì shí yīyàng。

在世时一样。

I dreamed of him running into my arms. I held him tightly, gently kissed his face, just like he was still alive.

 

ránhòu hēng zhe érgē, ràng tā zhěn zhe wǒ de shǒubì hǒng tā rùshuì。

然后哼着儿歌,让他枕着我的手臂哄他入睡。

Then I sang a lullaby and let him to fall asleep on my arm.

 

 

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