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A Chinese article that can make a stone cry – 永失我爱 (13)

Posted by Grace Feng on February 23, 2012

A Chinese article that can make a stone cry – 永失我爱 (13)This article was first posted on a Chinese forum 网易(wǎng yì) by writer “春儿(chūn r)” some years ago. It was so touching and well written that people started to share it across the web.

The original article is about 10824 character long. I’ll post them in a series of posts with pinyin annotation and my own English translation. An online radio recording by 晓风(xiǎo fēng) from www.1ting.com is also placed at the beginning of each post. Please be aware that the recording has slight changes in wording here and there compared to the original article. The recording has been split into smaller parts to align with the length of each post.

Feel free to drop your comments along your reading. If you have questions, I’ll try my best to respond within 24 hours.

 

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yǒng shī wǒ ài

永失我爱 (13)

My Love Lost Forever

 

   chūn r

      春儿

 

 

háizi de yǎnjing yī tiāntiān de biànhuà, biàn huī, biànhóng, zài biàn huī…… wǒ kǒngjù de kàn zhe tā zài bùtíng

孩子的眼睛一天天的变化,变灰,变红,再变灰……我恐惧的看着它在不停

de biànhuà。

 

的变化。

My child’s eye was changing day after day, it turned grey, then red, then grey … I observed the nonstop changes nervously.

 

wǒ bùzhǐyīcì de xiǎngxiàng yào shāsǐ chòu chòu。 hǎo jiéshù bìngtòng duì tā de zhémó。

我不止一次的想象要杀死臭臭。好结束病痛对他的折磨。

More than once did I imagine myself to kill Chou Chou. So that I could end his suffering.

 

wǒ xiǎngxiàng zhe gěi tā dǎ kōngqì zhēn, chī ānmiányào, fàng méiqì, wǔ sǐ tā, huò yījiārén gāncuì tiào xià lóu。

我想象着给他打空气针,吃安眠药,放煤气,捂死他,或一家人干脆跳下楼。

I imagined I injected air needle to him, gave him sleeping pills, turned on the gas, suffocated him, or simply drop dead together with him.

 

wǒ měitiān qí zhe mótuōchē dài zhe chòu chòu chuānsuō zài chēliú bù xī de gōnglù shàng, bùzhǐyīcì de xiǎng: yàoshi

我每天骑着摩托车带着臭臭穿梭在车流不息的公路上,不止一次的想:要是

yǒu nǎ wèi hǎoxīn de sījī yīxiàzi bǎ wǒmen dōu zhuàngsǐ gāi duō hǎo ā

有哪位好心的司机一下子把我们都撞死该多好啊。

I rode motorcycle carrying Chou Chou everyday in the busy traffic, I couldn’t stop thinking: it will be so good if some good-hearted driver could crash us to death.

 

hěn duōcì wǒ dōu bùdébù tíngxià chē lái wěndìng yīxià zìjǐ xiǎng zhuàngchē de qíngxù。

很多次我都不得不停下车来稳定一下自己想撞车的情绪。

It had been so many times that I needed to stop driving for a moment to calm down my urge to crash.

 

shìde, wǒ chéngrèn wǒ shì cuìruò de。 wǒ wúfǎrěnshòu tā de tòngkǔ hé wǒ de juéwàng。

是的,我承认我是脆弱的。我无法忍受他的痛苦和我的绝望。

Yes, I admit I was a coward. I couldn’t stand his pain and my own desperation.

 

wǒ de háizi huó le958 tiān, liǎng nián qī gè yuè shíwǔ tiān。

我的孩子活了958天,两年七个月十五天。

My child lived for a total of 958 days, two years seven months and fifteen days.

 

wǒ de chòu chòu huózhe de shíhou, tā chūqí de guāiqiǎo, chūqí de cōngming, tā hé tónglíng de háizi yīyàng de

我的臭臭活着的时候,他出奇的乖巧,出奇的聪明,他和同龄的孩子一样的

kě’ài, bù, shènzhì gèng jīlíng。

可爱,不,甚至更机灵。

When my Chou Chou was alive, he was especially cute and especially smart, he’s as adorable as the other children his age, no, even more bright.

 

tā huì yòng bùtóng de yǔqì lái hǎn māma, lái hǎn wǒ de míngzi, tā hěn huì biǎodá tā de xūyào hé gǎnqíng,

他会用不同的语气来喊妈妈,来喊我的名字,他很会表达他的需要和感情,

tā huì kàn yǎnsè, huì hǒng rén。

他会看眼色,会哄人。

He knew how to call Mommy with different tones, he knew very well on how to express his needs and feelings. He’s good at observing and amusing.

 

tā hěn dútè, hěn qiǎngyǎn。 bù zhǐshì yīnwèi tā liú zhe tóngzǐ tóu, yě bùshì tā yǒu yī gēn cháng cháng de xiǎo biàn

他很独特,很抢眼。不只是因为他留着童子头,也不是他有一根长长的小辫

zǐ。

子。

He’s unique and eye-catching. Not simply because he had an ancient hair cut, nor because he had a long pigtail.

 

érshì tā hěn huópo hěn yǒulǐmào。 tā jiàndào shéi dōu chēnghu。

而是他很活泼很有礼貌。他见到谁都称呼。

It was because he was very active and full of manners. He greet whoever he met politely.

 

tā xǐhuan xiǎoqìchē, wǒ gěi tā mǎi le jìn bǎi liàng dàxiǎo bùtóng de xiǎoqìchē。 měitiān tā dōu bùtíng de bǎinòng

他喜欢小汽车,我给他买了近百辆大小不同的小汽车。每天他都不停的摆弄

tā de chē。

他的车。

He loved little cars. I bought almost a hundred toy cars in different sizes. He played with them without stop everyday.

 

shìde, wǒ nì’ài tā。 wǒ qīng qí suǒyǒu lái mǎnzú tā de yùwàng。

是的,我溺爱他。我倾其所有来满足他的欲望。

Yes, I spoiled him. I satisfied his desire with all I got.


 

Related posts:

A Chinese article that can make a stone cry - 永失我爱 (1)
A Chinese article that can make a stone cry – 永失我爱 (4)
Mandarin presentation by a 22 year-old hooligan [intermediate]

 

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