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A Chinese article that can make a stone cry – 永失我爱 (12)

Posted by Grace Feng on February 20, 2012

A Chinese article that can make a stone cry (12)This article was first posted on a Chinese forum 网易(wǎng yì) by writer “春儿(chūn r)” some years ago. It was so touching and well written that people started to share it across the web.

The original article is about 10824 character long. I’ll post them in a series of posts with pinyin annotation and my own English translation. An online radio recording by 晓风(xiǎo fēng) from www.1ting.com is also placed at the beginning of each post. Please be aware that the recording has slight changes in wording here and there compared to the original article. The recording has been split into smaller parts to align with the length of each post.

Feel free to drop your comments along your reading. If you have questions, I’ll try my best to respond within 24 hours.

 

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

 

yǒng shī wǒ ài

永失我爱 (12)

My Love Lost Forever

 

chūn r

春儿

 

xīnsuì ā suì chéngle yīpiàn piàn yòu bèi niǎn chéng fěnmò

我心碎啊,碎成了一片片,又被碾成粉末。

My heart was broken, broken to pieces, then gound to dust.

 

měidāng zhèshí zǒngshì tòngkǔ de wèn zìjǐ wǒmen de juédìng duìbùduì ā yào jiù de háizi

每当这时,我总是痛苦的问自己:我们的决定对不对啊?我要救我的孩子

ā nǎpà gěi de yǎnjing shēngmìng ā

啊。哪怕给他我的眼睛和生命啊。

Whenever a time like this, I would ask myself in agony, have we made the right decision? I wanted to save my child, even if I had to give him my eyes and my life.

 

wèn cāngtiān wèishénme wèishénme yào ràng de háizi rěnshòu zhèyàng de zhémó ne xīn bēitòng ā

我问苍天:为什么!为什么要让我的孩子忍受这样的折磨呢?我心悲痛啊,

zuò māma què wúlì bāngzhù háizi

做妈妈却无力帮助孩子。

I asked heaven:” Why? why you let my child to go through this torture?” My heart was sadden, being a Mom I could do nothing to help my child.

 

bào zhe de érzi bào zhe zhège róuruǎn de xiǎo shēngmìng de xīn zài xuè ā

我抱着我的儿子,抱着这个柔软的小生命,我的心在滴血啊!

I hold my son into my arms, I hold this soft little life, my heart was bleeding!

 

hěn hàipà zìjǐ zǒngyǒu tiān huì chéng shòubùliǎo suízhe tiāntiān de zhǎngdà xiàng

我很害怕,我怕自己总有一天会承受不了,我怕随着他一天天的长大,他向

sùshuō de gǎnjué.

我诉说他的感觉.

I was scared, I was scared that one day I would not be able to stand the pain. I was scared that when he grew a little older, he would be able to tell me how he felt.

 

zhēn de ā jiāohuì hěn duō de gùshi shīgē dàn cóngbù jiāo téng jiāo tòng

我真的怕啊,我教会他很多的故事和诗歌,但我从不教他‘疼’不教他‘痛’ 和

yǒuguān de zìcí.

有关的字词.

I was really scared. I taught him lots of stories and poems, but I never taught him any words that are related to “pain” or “hurt”.

 

suǒyǐ línzǒu de shíhou réng zhǐ huì gàosu :“ māma nánshòu。” zhīdào zhǐyǒu zhīdào zhè

所以,他临走的时候仍只会告诉我:“妈妈,我难受。”我知道,只有我知道这

nánshòu de yìsi

个难受的意思。

Therefore, until he left he could only tell me:”Mom, I’m not comfortable.” I knew, only I knew what “not comfortable” really meant.

 

nàge nánshòu bāohán le duōshao bùnéng rěnshòu de zhémó de chòu chòu bìjìng cái suì duō ā!( yuán

那个”难受”里包含了多少不能忍受的折磨!我的臭臭毕竟才一岁多啊!(

liàng ba yuánliàng zhège zìsī de māma ba de érzi)

谅我吧原谅我这个自私的妈妈吧,我的儿子)

How much unbearable suffering were included in the “not comfortable”! After all, my Chou Chou was only an one-year-old! (Please forgive, forgive your selfish Mom, my dearest son!)

 

jìnlì le nàshí de měitiān dōu shēnghuó zài xīnlíng de liànyù

我尽力了。那时的我,每天都生活在心灵的炼狱里。

I tried my best. All those days, I lived in the inferno of my soul.

 

zhǐnéng yǎnzhēngzhēng de kàn zhe de háizi téng de zài huáilǐ fāngǔn què shùshǒuwúcè

我只能眼睁睁的看着我的孩子疼的在我怀里翻滚,却束手无策。

I could only watch my child turning and turning in my arms because of the pain, yet I could do nothing to help him.

 

ér de chòu chòu de jiānqiáng de háizi rěnshòu zhe duōdà de téngtòng ā

而我的臭臭,我的坚强的孩子。忍受着多大的疼痛啊!

My Chou Chou, my strong child, had to stand so much pain!

 

rújīn háizi tòngkǔ de shēnyín shēng réng huíxiǎng zài de ěr biān liànyù de lièhuǒ bān de hěnhěn de

如今,孩子那痛苦的呻吟声仍回响在我的耳边。如炼狱里的烈火般的狠狠的

fénshāo zhe de xīn ràng jīnshēng jīnshì yǒng bùdé ānníng

焚烧着我的心!让我今生今世永不得安宁!

Even today, the moaning sound of my child is still echoing in my ears. It’s like the fire from the inferno burning my heart! I will not be in peace my whole lifetime!

 

hái jìde hěn jiǔ yǐqián yǒu yīzé xīnwén mǔqīn zài zìjǐ zǒutóuwúlù de qíngkuàngxià háizi tuī

还记得很久以前,有一则新闻:一个母亲在自己走投无路的情况下把孩子推

dàoliǎo chēlún xià érhòu zìshā

到了车轮下,而后自杀。

I still remember long time ago, there was a piece of news: a desperate Mom pushed her own child under the running wheels and committed suicide.

 

xīnwén bōchū hòu shì yīpiàn qiǎnzé nàge mǔqīn de shēngyīn

新闻播出后是一片谴责那个母亲的声音。

Once the news was broadcasted the Mom was widely condemned.

 

ér kěyǐ shēnshēn tǐhuì dào nàge mǔqīn de juéwàng tòng yīnwèi zhǔnbèi le sǐwáng bùnéng

而我,可以深深体会到那个母亲的绝望和痛苦,因为她已准备了死亡,她不能

rěnshòu zìjǐ de háizi gūdān de shēnghuó zài zhège shìshàng

忍受自己的孩子孤单的生活在这个世上。

However, I totally understand the desperation and pain of the Mom. Because she was ready to die, she couldn’t let her child to be left alone in this world.

 

 

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Category: Chinese reading and listening

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